I wasn’t happy. Standing in front of me was a boy; our eyes locked. I didn’t like what I saw. He seemed to lack confidence; his eyes didn’t focus, preferring to stare at the ground than to catch someone looking at him, possibly judging him. I had no respect for him, and in turn, he showed none for me.
Standing in that mirror after a summer of hard work left me feeling empty. All I saw was what I always saw: myself. It never changed, and that broke my heart.
I still saw that 10-year-old boy who was overweight, lacked self-esteem, and only ever had negative self-thoughts.
That summer I worked out every day, went on hikes and bike rides almost daily while working a physically demanding job and took all the right supplements. I was the strongest and the leanest I had ever been. The numbers said so. But the numbers never told me how proud they were of me or how much they loved me or how truly special I was.
The numbers stood silent.
It has taken me eight years to love me. To love what my body and mind are capable of. I am blessed to have a thirst for constant improvement and knowledge; I am blessed to be able to go on hikes with few aches or pains, I am blessed to be loved by so many.
Yes, somedays I stand in the mirror and still see that boy and the thoughts creep in and start to say “you’re not good enough, you’re stupid, you’re fat”. But I know that is not me. I try to fill my head with positives thoughts.
And the funny thing is the more positive my thoughts are of myself, the more positive I think of others. Over these eight years, I have spent more time giving myself self-love and less time working out, and you know what? I am happier now than I ever was when I was in my best shape. I truly appreciate me.
Continue to strive to be healthy for it will allow you to enjoy life, but you need to put just as much or even more emphases on telling yourself how much you appreciate you.
What you see in the mirror is, yes, a reflexion of yourself, but your mind interprets what it sees.
No number will ever make you feel as loved as you can.
Your Fitness Sherpa
Did you know I have a newsletter? If you’d like to have, my blog posts delivered straight to your inbox Sign up here. No, I won’t share your email. That’s just not cool.
