A few months back I published my critically acclaimed, beloved by all post, Things That Are Acceptable In The Weight Room but Not In Real Life, or TTAAITWRBNIRL for short.
So since it’s [MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!] and I can do what I want to. I am going to give you the flip side of this post.
In TTAAITWRBNIRL I discussed things you do in the weight room that just don’t translate over to the outside world all that well. In this post I am going to tell you 51/2 things that don’t translate over from the real world to the weight room, or as I like to call it, The Palisade of Weights.
Without further adieu here are my 51/2 things.
Cell Phones
Where would we be without cell phones, no snapchat, no instagram, no angry birds, and no possible way for somebody to get a hold of you every second of your life.
Got to love technology. It gives us the ability to stay connected without actually having to spend time with people, awesome.
Cell phones are all well and good and very useful in fact, but when it comes to the weight room there is just no need for them. This has to be my biggest pet peeve. Is it really not possible for someone to go one hour without being in constant contact with the rest of the outside world? Let’s be honest, can you honestly think of anyone out there that needs people to be able to get in contact with them 24/7.
I am guessing he is calling for a spot
If you think that’s you, well, you’re wrong – you self-thinker.
Cell phones outside, “Wow wee, cool new phone”. Cell phones in the gym, “Awwww, what is that”, and better question, “What is it doing here?”
See, phone in gym is just not as cool.
Hats
I get it that hats are nice to keep the sun out of your eyes and keep you warm during the winter. They can even change the way others see you, depending on which style you go for. The three most common are:
- Hats makes you seem like you are an every day Joe, just loving life and maybe hiding a bald spot.
- Hats make you look sexy. In most cases you have to be a cowboy, or in all cases, one or the other.
- Hats make you look like a total jabroni.
If your wondering if that is in fact Vanilla Ice from the movie Cool As Ice, you would be correct
I understand hockey players like to keep their long flows out of their face, but a hat makes you look stupid. You don’t wear sunglasses inside do you? No, hats are the same thing, except they go on your head to protect you from the sun.
The one exception is beanies; they keep your head warm in the winter and they feel good to wear while lifting. They are designed for keeping you warm, not protecting you from the sun, so they are serving their true purpose both inside and out unlike ball caps. This is why they are OK to wear and hats aren’t. It just makes sense.
Gloves
Got to love me some gloves, especially those fleece ones; O so soft and so nice. Gloves are functional. They protect your hands from the elements. They can also make your hands go from plain and boring to badass, with a sweet pair of leather biker gloves.
I got me a pair of leather goatskin gloves for a dollar one time. Let me just say, once I slipped my hands into those gloves I became a whole new man, but that life is all behind me now.
Moving on.
Lifting with gloves does the same thing except for one big difference. They don’t make you look badass. On the contrary they do just the opposite. If your hands can’t handle the knurling on the bar, then you can’t handle the gym. If you are wearing gloves because your grip sucks, then work on strengthening your grip and grab some chalk.
Big Headphones
Music is pretty great to say the least. Good tunes will put you in a great mood and get you ready to crush weights.
Pro Tip: Super set all your exercises with dancing, it keeps the fun level high and shows all the ladies in the vicinity what they’re missing out on.
When I see someone walking down the street in a Beats Headphone or Bose or whatever brand, I think they must really like music. When I see someone in the gym with the same aforementioned headphones I instantly think, “Wow what a D-Bag”.
This opinion is based on years of pre judging and I am sticking to it. So if you wear big ass headphones, I’m just letting you know its cool outside but in the gym you look like a giant bag of D.
Half Shirts and Skinny Jeans
I don’t know if either of these is actually acceptable in the real world but I know for sure they are not acceptable in The Palisade of Weights.
Well, except for half shirts, I can see them being useful in some really specific situations. I just have not figured out what that situation would be or what it would entail yet.
Maybe if you were working out and someone broke their arm, and the only thing you had available was the bottom portion of your shirt to fashion a sling out of. Then, after helping the person, you went back to finish your lift. I could see that being all right. So until this happens half shirts not cool.
As for skinny jeans, there is no scenario where they should be worn in a gym or anywhere else for that matter.
There you have it. My 5½ things that are acceptable in real life but not in the weight room.
Best,
Josh Williams
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