Yesterday was my birthday; I officially cross the line from young adult to maturing adult (we all know adulthood officially starts at age 40).
People who write often use their birthdates as a time to write stuff titled “30 things I have learned in the past year” or “30 fun facts about me”. As much as my fingers want to write that piece, my heart is not in it.
Instead, I will write about three things I have accomplished but, at the time, never thought it would happen.
This quote was given to me one day, and it rings true as I look back on my short three decades on this earth.
“Don’t forget how badly you once wanted what you have now. There was a time you were praying, visualizing, and hoping to be where you’re currently at. Now that you’ve received your blessings, you’re too worried about the next thing to notice it. When will this cycle of chasing the next high end? Will you ever truly be fulfilled? Too many people get trapped in this never-ending cycle, that they forget to really live, feel, and experience the beauty they created. Learn to be grateful and live in the moment, instead of worrying, overthinking, and stressing about what’s next.”
Marriage
From a young age, say 10 or 11, I had fancied myself as having a wife. I know it is an odd thing for a young human being to want at this particular stage in life. The funny thing is my dream, the idea of marriage never led me to the pursuit of courtship.
Now, if you take a second and think back to middle school and high school, there were plenty of young people fraternizing amongst themselves. They had boyfriends and girlfriends and proclaimed their love for life, but I, on the other hand, was having none of that.
I relegated myself to the corner of non-dating. After doing some quick calculations in my prepubescent brain, the odds of me finding a match for life at this stage of development was not likely. My dream was placed on hold.
As my early to mid-20s started to fly by, there were thoughts in my head that this marriage thing was never going to happen. Now at the age of 30, being married for going on five years, I often find myself taking it all for granted. Forgetting how much at times, I never could have imagined this happening to me.
Paid To Write and Speak
Sitting at the dining room table shifting side to side in a chair that squeaked with the smallest of movements, I wanted to leave the room badly. Every night I would sit in this chair, I hated it, and every night my mother would quiz me on my vocabulary words for the week’s spelling test.
Everything in school pointed at my lack of ability to spell. My test “D’s” and if luck a “C.” My aptitude test said I was spelling at a second-grade level when I was in 6th grade. Peers would point out all my lousy spelling mistakes when we read each other’s papers.
I took my ability of not being able to spell very personally. My shame of it, I can only liken to how I felt when I was overweight and uncomfortable in my clothes. I was nervous about sharing anything I had written because if there was one spelling mistake, it would make me feel as if I was the world’s biggest idiot. For years I thought I was not intelligent because of my ability to spell. I tried everything to hide my weakness, my mother, all through school and college would spell check my papers; that is ridiculous.
But I love to write.
I had two poems published in a national poetry book back in 7th and 8th grade. I have been given money to write articles. I have stood before a crowd of people and spoken to them with slides with whole sentences on them. With countless chances to spell something wrong.
I would have never thought that would happen if you asked me 10 or 15 years ago. I still have a lot of shame around my weakness in spelling, but I am proud that I never let it stop me from writing and sharing with others.
Being A Leader
A cool October afternoon, we were all lined up and before us stood five coaches. It was the last practice of the week before the conference championships. Each week the team and coaches would designate an honorary captain for the week, to join the other three captains.
“Williams, you are this week’s honorary captain.”
I was picked captain that season the first game of the year and the last game of the year for our team.
My style has always been leading by example, do the little things, do the things no one wants to do, and do it right the first time.
The thing is leadership is not a title or a position; it is not something you are given. It is something you earn. Yes, you can be given leadership responsibility with a job title or a promotion, but if your team does not see you as the leader or you have not built up good leadership capital, you do not have the respect of the team. Without that, you are going to have a hard time leading.
I never saw myself as a strong leader, and the reason was I didn’t have a strong understanding of what leadership meant and didn’t have a lot of leadership miles under my feet.
The leader is not the one that has to do everything, they are the one that has to take responsibility. They don’t need to be loud or domineering, but they do need to explain clearly and confidently why the team will be doing something. Leaders are not above anyone, they are below everyone to help raise the team up.
I would encourage all of you to think back to your goals and realize you are living a lot of them. Think back to all the things you didn’t think you could overcome, and now you are standing to speak of them.
Your Fitness Sherpa,
