I was down in the dirty South this week, catching up with some family and meeting my new nephew. Since I was down South I did what they do down there, shoot some stuff, talked politics, and eat grits (doing all this with alcohol was optional).
My goal for this vacation was to sleep, eat, workout, and eat some more. So my itinerary went something like this:
7:00 a.m. Wake up
7:30 a.m. Drink coffee
9:00 a.m. Workout
10:00 a.m. Eat
11:00 a.m. Shoot Stuff
4:00 p.m. Eat
6:00 p.m. Eat
9:33 p.m. Think about eating, and then go to bed
Then repeat for the next 6 days.
I think I accomplished my goals quite nicely. While I was down in North Carolina I was able to observe and learn a lot about the South, life, and working out. Here is what I learned.
1. If you are sick of the same old three fast food restaurants, then a vacation to the south is for you. I have never seen so many fast food restaurants in my life.
2. Never buy anything in an airport, unless you are actually about to die from starvation. If you do buy something the prices will kill you.
3. If you are on vacation and need to get a lift in and don’t feel like paying, go to a commercial gym and ask for a three-day free trial. Most places are cool about it. Well I guess they’re not cool with it but I don’t care.
4. The best thing I found out about NC was that you don’t have to worry about toll money. That is so awesome! No more furiously searching for change in your car.
5. If you are wondering, “When is it too early to order an alcoholic drink?” I’ll tell you, its 7:55 a.m. how do I know this you ask. The man next to me on my flight asked the stewardess for a drink and she promptly said, “I am sorry sir but it’s too early for that”. You sir just got served, and everyone else on the plane thinks you have a drinking problem.
6. If you workout and can’t even break a sweat, then you aren’t working out and you should not expect results. I learned this by looking around the gym and seeing nobody even breaking a tiny sweat. Taking 10 minute breaks in between sets to look at the TV or check text will not get you results.
7. I am not totally convinced that there is a thing called Southern Hospitality. My theory is that it all stems from there drawl. You can never tell if they are actually angry with you because we Northerners are so amused by it. I do enjoy being called Mr. Josh by my little niece. It just sounds so polite. So I am not complaining.
8. If you hear TSA start yelling,”code 1, code 1!” and blocking off the exits. Don’t freak-out its just routine practice. Well, at least that’s what they told us.
9. I learned that if you are a male over the age of 27 then there is no need to work the lower body. You just need to focus solely on arms, chest, and abs. I am guessing the rationale for this philosophy is that by doing this you will optimize your levels of poontang catching ability.
10. I learned from a fellow that was looking to become a personal trainer, what the job of a personal trainer is. It went something like this: A personal trainer’s job is to say motivational things and watch people workout, Oh, and keep people accountable (I could write a whole post on why this is wrong and what the job of a personal trainer is but that is for another time).
Wrap Up
I learned a lot down in NC, much more then 10 things, but these are the ones that I remember most and are appropriate for sharing. I am glad to be back in the cold North, but I could do without the 20-degree weather.
See Ya Yall
Mr. Josh
